Dear Pat,

Thank you for your text message this morning inviting me to book a seat on Saturday night at the Helix to hear your speech.

Obviously you know I have not been a member of the party for a few years and are still desperate to have me back. Will you be hiring people to fill the empty seats like they put guys in tuxedos into the seats at the Oscars when the stars take a loo break?

Unfortunately party policy, the Mullingar agreement, and your leadership in particular, your views on immigration and failure to propose full equality for same sex couples means that it will be a long time if ever before I renew my membership.

Best wishes for the General Election (rather you than me!)

MP