There are parts of this saga worthy of Tuppenceworth‘s Paper Round and other parts which I have been thinking about a lot over the past few days without the ‘assistance’ of yesterdays less than stunning piece of investigative journalism in the Sunday Tribune.

The 14 year old boy in north Dublin who went looking for whatever he was looking for on Gaydar was not part of any paedophile ring. He has currently withdrawn co-operation from the Garda investigation and is receiving counselling (and hopefully a referral to Belongto and not a referral to some reparative therapy group.)

He was, we were repeatedly told, exploring his sexuality in visiting a gay website, and Paul Reynolds and many other journalists kept telling us that boys that age are confused or upset and taken advantage of. Last week in daily reports on the now non scandal, the crime journalists named with glee the professions of those alleged to be involved. It turns out that some of them may indeed have broken the law in having sex with a minor, others turned the young man down when they realised his age, indeed some sent him packing in disgust. The guy told some he was 16 and others he was 19. He was not being groomed according to himself and now also the Gardai, but sexual activity with someone of that age is against the law and cases are forthcoming.

I don’t want to talk about the age of consent here, or about the young man or his case but about the many issues that evolve from it’s reporting and the general homophobia that exisits in reflecting on the sexuality of young lesbians and gay men.

Why is it that a young man visiting a gay site and having sex or looking for sex is portrayed as being confused or exploring his sexuality and young straight men of that age who get a blow job behind the bike shed from a young woman are often portrayed as having some sort rite of passage? Young straight men can access and ‘explore’ their sexuality with their peers or through porn without much comment (lots of handwringing and a bit of moralising but some celebration of getting laid or learning how to wank most of the time…)

Many gay men I know knew they were gay when they were 4 or 5 and certainly before they were 12. They may not have had any language for it but they knew they were different. Then as now young gay men still don’t have the language or access to appropriate resources to help them feel ok about being gay.

It’s amazing how often commentators decide that young gays and lesbians don’t know that they are gay yet because of their age and create the view that everyone is really heterosexual but they just don’t know it yet. Whilst there is no doubt that some experimentation exists in terms of teenage sexuality, many lesbians and gay men can recount risky behaviours where they engaged in sex with older people because that was the only thing that was on offer at the time.

Yes there are huge opportunities for abuse. There are older lesbians and gay men out there who will take advantage of younger people, who prefer sex with younger people. Indeed there are younger lesbians and gay men (like their straight peers) who prefer relationships with older people and that is something that is equally uncomfortable reality for digestion by all communities. (I say this with 10 years experience in youth work, nationally and internationally)

I doubt we’ll see the same level of reporting given to the research continually published on the risk of suicide and attempted suicide and self harm experienced by young lesbians and gay men.

UKgay.com have a reflection on the whole sorry incident and I hope that Irish lesbian and gay organisations and media outlets (new and old) will also reflect on the many complex issues in this ‘story’ in the coming weeks. Mainstream media outlets need to also reflect on their reporting of the story.

The haste to judge and create a crisis, paedo ring, grooming circles etc. and instant judging of a young man’s sexuality as confused is a part of the real story here. The other part of this story is the fact that a young man turned to the net to make contact with gay people and 14 years on from decriminalisation services and education for young lesbians and gay men is not much better now than it was then.

Parents also need support in helping their sons and daughters come to terms in their sexuality, to be safe and healthy and to keep an eye on what they are surfing on the internet and who they are texting and where they are going. They need to do this for all their children, straight or gay.

In our rush to enshrine children’s rights in our constitution (and there are huge doubts as to whether the governments proposals will do this) we need to discuss our childrens sexuality and stop going on about 16 versus 17 as the age of consent and talk about the real issues of identity, self harm in all its forms, and the lack of support and information. And we need to talk about the heterosexism in the way young peoples sexuality is predetermined by society.