I’m more a blogger that’s a foodie than a foodie blogger – excuse the diversion. Maybe you also have been suffering Masterchef this week and are despairing at the dried liver yoke piled on mash that won the quarterfinal on Thursday, never mind the rubbish behaviour from the judges.

John Torode’s sexism, Greg’s shouting, eg: ‘COOKING DOESN’T GET TOUGHER THAN THIS’, and dodgy looking Mexican restaurants masquerading as top kitchens with entrants being shouted at to churn out fajitas. The series seems to be full of people who can’t cook wanting to be chefs – there is a huge difference.

As each week goes by I really believe this programme is misnamed and I want Grossman back with a foodie actor or sports person demolishing plates of food from people who know how to cook like the old days!

The Irish contestant in one episode last week was an absolute chancer with a pork chop smothered in a bottle of sweet chili sauce as his main course of choice following his ingredients challenge win of a rhubarb pie. (Do a decent desert and yer in – Greg and sugary stuff = win!)

One other problem with the programme this year (and yes there are many more) are the ingredients. The same fecking ingredients appear all the time.

A – The Scallop – in the middle of a soup or with chorizo or with something else but the scallop is over used.
B – Peas – in a soup (avec scallop), puree, or 3 types of pea with fishcakes – the little green yoke is everywhere.
C – Chocolate fondants, melting pots, puddings. Greg keeps doing that ‘intake of breath thing’ when a contestant introduces that as part of the menus and says many a menu has failed on it. But as yet in this series I have not seen one failure. Just Greg going ‘Oooooh, that has flicked every one of my switches’

Remember the way on Ready Steady Cook years ago everyone brought a sweet potato on the show saying they didn’t know what to do with it and the celebrity chefs looked on in despair? I have to wonder why after 5 shows someone didn’t say ‘enough with the scallops – someone think of the fishermen and the stocks in the north sea…’ or something.

Vicky Frost in the Guardian Word of Mouth blog is blogging about the series each week and now has also provided a gadget to display the most ridiculous turns of phrase which pepper the series.

No doubt I’ll be tuned in on Monday for the beginning of week 3 but I’ll be armed with my copy of the Masterchef drinking game!